Silver Thoughts

I am now officially 25 years old. It's my silver anniversary. Twenty five years since I first opened my eyes to the world and cried because of the surprising experience. I would imagine the burning feeling of every impulse in overdrive as I was suddenly thrust into the unknown - the biting coldness of the antiseptic air on my skin, the cloying dampness and the metallic stench of blood overwhelming my nose and the harsh brightness of the room assaulting my eyes. I can only imagine the horror of it all.

And now I'm here. All 25 years worth of experiences writing this down as I again add another testament to my existence.

I am at a loss. I swirl my Merlot and breathe in the fruity notes of raspberry as I ponder on this blank space. Later today, I plan on hearing Mass to thank the Almighty for giving me life in all its beautiful imperfection. Above all, I will give thanks for all the friendships I have found and nourished in my life for they are the family of my heart.

I have always been a little theatrical on my birthdays but I guess this is pretty normal. We can't help but look back on our lives, sorting out memories that stand out and crying and laughing inside at all the funny mishaps we've survived. I look like a fool now as I recall fond memories of birthdays past and pause as I silently wish for the people I no longer have with me.

Birthdays, I now understand, are reminiscent to what I construe as the chaos of impulses when we are borne in this world. That's why, as babies, our instinct is to cry.

Now I feel the same. I'm deeply grateful for everything I have in my life and at the same time I feel a distinct sadness that punctures my very soul. My thought drifts to the man who passed away unexpectedly. To put it simply, I have lost when he died. And today, I am gripped with an overwhelming sense of longing for him. I miss my dad terribly even after all these years. The pain of losing someone never really leaves us; we just find ways of distracting ourselves eventually.

In a few hours my family will start waking up and I will summon my greatest smile as they wish me a Happy Birthday. No gifts and no sweet frills - only the uncomplicated greetings reserved for birthdays.

I will have a happy birthday.

'Good morning, Little Piglet,' said Eeyore. 'If it is a good morning,' he said. 'Which I doubt,' said he. 'Not that it matters,' he said.

A. A. Milne (1882 - 1956)

British writer.Typical of Eeyore's gloomy outlook.

Winnie the Pooh, "Eeyore Has a Birthday"

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