I have been writing for several years now. My old notebooks, full of verbal sketches of everyday stuff, have been gathering dust since I discovered the Internet. And whenever I write, I imagine an audience. I have realized this a few days back.
Just recently, I came upon my fourth grade Math notebook. The cover is torn and ripped at the edges and the spring bind has long been pulled out and replaced with yellow and green yarn strung to hold the pages together. In one of the heavily creased pages I read...
(former classmate's name) grabbed me at recess today and said thank you for his Math homework. He looked at me with his puppy eyes and I swear my heart just melted. I'm making his homework for whatever subject from now on. That is, if he asks.
The truth is, I have been gay since my earliest memories. And though it doesn't bother me a bit, the thought that I had to hide my feelings in a Math notebook made me sad and angry at the same time. With the type of environment I grew up in, I guess I can call myself lucky. But what about the others?
Anyway, it was fortunate that I found that old notebook. Writing those words down, I never realized I'd one day read them at this age and find that however we think we've grown up, we never go really far from what and who we truly are. These emotions that we inadvertently feel make us human, although sadly, our society dictates us as to how we're supposed to conduct ourselves. And at breaking point, we can not just let these things burst from being bottled up inside - we don't know what we might do.
And I realized I write because of this. My Math notebook was my emotional bank - where all I felt inside I deposited in words. I don't think I had a friend back then who might have understood what I felt.
So I wrote things down. I'm glad I did. I ultimately found that I am my most important audience. By putting them in words, I sorted out my feelings, removing myself from where I'm currently at. I can look a myself and say, Angganda mo! Hehehe.
But we live in a big world. And there are people out there who feel just as confused as I am. There are people out there who enjoy the naughty little things we see each day and celebrate them.
I created this blog last year. Although I have been writing for a long time now, it never occurred to me that I can establish a network where random people can glimpse each other's lives in words. This is what I wish to accomplish. A lot of gay bloggers have been doing this for years, I guess. I have just come across some of them.
I'd like to join the community. I'm somewhere deep south, where time seems to crawl like an old woman's stride and a day is measured by the nature's sounds, but all the same, I'm a pinoy gay blogger. We are everywhere.
And so from the confines of my bucolic dreariness of a life, I set sail to the unforgiving wild.
################
I'd like to give a shout out to several blogs that I have been following recently:
I'm a fan. Thank you.
Just recently, I came upon my fourth grade Math notebook. The cover is torn and ripped at the edges and the spring bind has long been pulled out and replaced with yellow and green yarn strung to hold the pages together. In one of the heavily creased pages I read...(former classmate's name) grabbed me at recess today and said thank you for his Math homework. He looked at me with his puppy eyes and I swear my heart just melted. I'm making his homework for whatever subject from now on. That is, if he asks.
The truth is, I have been gay since my earliest memories. And though it doesn't bother me a bit, the thought that I had to hide my feelings in a Math notebook made me sad and angry at the same time. With the type of environment I grew up in, I guess I can call myself lucky. But what about the others?
Anyway, it was fortunate that I found that old notebook. Writing those words down, I never realized I'd one day read them at this age and find that however we think we've grown up, we never go really far from what and who we truly are. These emotions that we inadvertently feel make us human, although sadly, our society dictates us as to how we're supposed to conduct ourselves. And at breaking point, we can not just let these things burst from being bottled up inside - we don't know what we might do.
And I realized I write because of this. My Math notebook was my emotional bank - where all I felt inside I deposited in words. I don't think I had a friend back then who might have understood what I felt.
So I wrote things down. I'm glad I did. I ultimately found that I am my most important audience. By putting them in words, I sorted out my feelings, removing myself from where I'm currently at. I can look a myself and say, Angganda mo! Hehehe.
But we live in a big world. And there are people out there who feel just as confused as I am. There are people out there who enjoy the naughty little things we see each day and celebrate them.
I created this blog last year. Although I have been writing for a long time now, it never occurred to me that I can establish a network where random people can glimpse each other's lives in words. This is what I wish to accomplish. A lot of gay bloggers have been doing this for years, I guess. I have just come across some of them.
I'd like to join the community. I'm somewhere deep south, where time seems to crawl like an old woman's stride and a day is measured by the nature's sounds, but all the same, I'm a pinoy gay blogger. We are everywhere.
And so from the confines of my bucolic dreariness of a life, I set sail to the unforgiving wild.
################
I'd like to give a shout out to several blogs that I have been following recently:
I'm a fan. Thank you.
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